A trained ape could not teach gym

Yesterday I decided to stop wasting an insane amount of money every week and start to go back to the gym. Now it would be fair to say that the upcoming softball and kickball seasons due have a good deal to do with this. (Music break...MORRIS DAY AND THE TIME JUNGLE LOVE!!! OHEOHEOH) Of course I believe the biggest part of me getting back in the gym would be my fat ass. Well, not percisley my ass but this thing that seems to be protruding where my stomach used to be.

Once I got over 200 pounds I began to get a gut, it's just the way my genetics works judging by my family members. Well, I'm far above 200 pounds at this point and need to reduce this quickly. I cannot stand being this fat anymore and as such I am going back to the gym on a regular basis. Luckily I do know what I have to do to lose weight, gain strength and the like, it's just a matter of me not being so god damn lazy.

A weird thing did occur my first day back at the gym however. I walked into the Men's locker room and in the lil waiting area type deal this man was standing almost nose to nose with the elevated television. He had nothing but a towel around his neck and thankfully one around his waist. He was probably in his 40s, bald, hand on the televsion changing channels. I changed, worked out, and came back in to the locker room...but time must have stopped. You see, this man was still in front of the television, changing channels, towel outfit, actually I don't know if he had moved in over an hour. To say the least it was a bit disturbing, I wonder if he'll still be there when I show up tonight...

Birthday Meme

Well, since my birthday is a week from tomorrow I figured I'd do this lil meme, so enjoy.

Notable Historic Events
1765 - The Parliament of Great Britain passed the Stamp Act, which introduced a tax to be levied directly on its American colonies.
1933 - President Franklin Delano Roosevelt signs into law a bill legalizing the sale of beer and wine.
1993 - The Intel Corporation ships the first Pentium chips (80586), featuring a 60 MHz clock speed, 100+ MIPS, and a 64 bit data path.

Notable Births
1931 - William Shatner, Canadian actor
1948 - Andrew Lloyd Webber, British composer
1952 - Bob Costas, American sports commentator

Notable Deaths
1322 - Thomas, 2nd Earl of Lancaster, English politician
1685 - Emperor Go-Sai of Japan
1832 - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, German writer

Notable Holidays
The fourth day of Quinquatria in ancient Rome, held in honor of Minerva.
World Water Day.

Shamrock Fest 2007

I would like to formally warn everyone right now for what I am about to write here in the Asylum. You see I spent the majority of this morning, when not catching up with other blogs and doing work, watching Brian Pillman promos from ECW. If any of you know pro wrestling what so ever and know what Pillman was like during that time you can get a kind of handle of what state my mind is currently. So I wish to apologize to anyone who I may offend with this post in which I will execute my Constitutional Rights on.

Shamrock Fest, a day long affair of bands, beer, good food and good friends. This is true for the most part there was plenty of bands, beer, food and good friends to be had last Saturday afternoon. Overall I had a more enjoyable time, and I think it was wise for them to have moved the event to the RFK parking lot/tailgating area. It was helpful for me to show my people where we tailgate on a regular basis so they know where to find us on April 3rd, that is if they remember. I was sad that I was not able to get to the location do to the DC 101 Stage 2 being in the way, but hey those are the fuckin breaks aren't they.

I enjoyed myself immensely when it came to spending time with Anita, S-tna and her new man DeezNatz. We were joined by other friends who came and went as they pleased for the most part, but the four of us were together for the most part. Of course leave it to yours truly to find the one group of Browns fans in the entire place. I overheard someone say something about Cleveland, inquired about it, and the next thing you know we were chanting here we go brownies here we go. Of course all you Redskins fans can kiss our collective asses. Yes, we were chanting for our football team outside of RFK. Yes, we were chanting for our football team in fucking March and yes we were chanting for our team without the prompting of Redskin Cheerleaders and a band playing your tired ass fight song. Why, cause as the gods are my witness we are the best god damn fans this planet has ever fucking seen.

Now I did post that there would be such bitching about Shamrock Fest and I will be a man of my word. Hell, I would hate to be called a liar and then have to go on rant about being called a liar when I wasn't lying in the first place. The issue I had was not the folks who wanted to be Irish for a day, the Notre Dame jackasses who thought it was safe to wear their gear (I was sporting my Oakland Athletic gear for the record), or the teens who kept trying to get people to buy them beer. No, my problem specifically was the beer itself and the alleged prices you were charging.

Why in the fuck is Bud Light, or shall we call it piss water cause that's what it is. Hell, my piss on a drinking day probably has more alcohol percentage in it then Bud Light. I digress, Bud Light is the only beer your serving. I understand they are a sponsor, but you were selling Red Hook in the VIP section. Oh, a special thanks to Old Man J for retrieving me a Red Hook so I had an actual beer to drink during the day. Hell, I may even understand it being only one beer to quicken the beer lines, but at least give us some other option, is this not America?

The second issue on this debacle is the god damn beer prices you charged us. FIVE FUCKING DOLLARS FOR A GOD DAMN BUD LIGHT?! What in the sam hell were you thinking? First, you give us piss water, then charge more for one cup then the price of a six pack? It is seriously FUBAR that you force me to drink that drivel, but then to rape my very soul for five bucks a cup? If there was some way to charge you with felony robbery by god I would do my damnedest to do that. Fuck you Shamrock Fest, fuck you for polluting my body with that garbage.

Other then that one exception it was a wonderful day, hell it was a fucking beautiful day out at the Shamrock Fest. A special shout out goes to the parents by Stage Two whose child had a Mohawk at the age of two or so, the kid was fucking money. A big props to Collins and all our Cleveland Cliq for pimping our team amidst other folks who could give two shits about football right now. Finally to my baby Anita who took care of me at the end of the night when the headache I had all day turned into road work inside my skull when we got home.

300

So, where should I begin with my review of 300? Let it be known here and now that I am an AVID Frank Miller fan, die hard would be a bit of a stretch, but I do tend to worship the ground Mr. Miller walks on. Hell, one of my upcoming pieces on my right arm (just above the elbow down to the forearm) comes directly from 300. So to say I had high expectations of this film would be a vast understatement. I would not be mincing words to say that it met all expectations and then some, it surpassed my expectations by leaps and bounds and then maybe used a rocket pack to go even farther then that.

I know some have decided that they didn't like the movie, I don't understand you goat fuckers but hey it's your opinion. The movie was a thing of beauty from top to bottm, left to right, side to side, horizontal and vertical. All around it may very well be the best damn action movie I have ever seen and I've seen plenty. I'm not a gore fest type person either, hell I haven't seen any of the Saws or Hostel because that's what I assume they are. Gerald Butler, who I loved as the Phantom, did exceptionally well as King Leonidas. Especially when talking to Xerxes, that sarcastic tone that you could tell was dripping off the page of the novel was dripping from the screen.

It gives me much pleasure to think that Zach Snyder is the man to helm Watchmen, judging by this movie (which was deemed unfilmable) he will do Watchmen much justice (another comic deemed unfilmable). I think it has something for everyone, Anita even enjoyed herself and she tends not to enjoy violence. In closing if you were not one of the millions...AND MILLIONS...to go see 300 this past weekend get off your fat asses down to the theater and see something truly beautiful.

10 Favorite Albums

Ten on Tuesday

10.Scott Fitzgerald-Thunderdrums
9.Clann An Drumma-Tried and True
8.Pantera-Vulgar Display of Power
7.Rollins Band-Get Some, Go Again
6.Rage Against The Machine-Rage Against The Machine
5.Metallica-Ride The Lightning
4.Pantera-Cowboys From Hell
3.Rollins Band-Life Time
2.Lynard Skynard-(pronounced leh-nerd skin-nerd)
1.The Crow Soundtrack

Worst Night Of Sleep Ever

No, I'm not kidding. I may have had four hours of sleep at the most and that definitely wasn't straight. I don't know what was going on, if my mind said fuck you I ain't sleeping or what but I couldn't sleep. As such I barely have the energy to write an appropriate blog today. I'd love to sit here and go on and on about 300 (FUCKIN AWESOME) and Shamrock Fest (Awesome and Crap rolled into one) but I honestly don't have the energy to do so. As such, here is a treat for you...

Folks, I have no words

No Mercy...


Trust me, you have to watch this

Throwback Thursday on Friday

Yes, I own this movie, cash money

Henry Rollins Friday

Hmmm, apparently each week I will be introducing a new theme for each day of the week. Yesterday was Throwback Thursday (coming today due to the live blogging) and now Friday will be Henry Rollins Friday. So, enjoy...

Is it nap time yet?

We are back, along with power cord, to witness the second half of the world's most boring meeting...next to a church's meeting about when to hold a bake sale. Ah of course, there were things we must covering that they forgot, how bout we say screw it and all go home for a beer?

1:15-Hey look at that, some meeting and I'm still doing work fixing the late folks BlackBerry.

1:36-Jesus, Mary and Joseph only twenty minutes has passed? Between the monotone voice speaking, food in my belly and complete and utter boredom I can only fear how slowly this will go. Least I have a draft in twenty minutes.

2:00-Draft starting, least something is going to occupy my time.

2:30-They've broke for a break, but I sit here due to the draft. A solid team led by pick number four of Johan Santana. In other news apparently Tom Brady is building his own football club.

2:50-Wow, dude is talking about his very first physical...including all of his orifices....yeah swell time folks.

3:05-Once again I look down at the clock and only a sliver of time has passed. Dear god, I feel like I'm at the hands against Doctor Time or some other crappy Golden Age villian.

3:14-Dear christ this better be the last speaker of the day. This lady has to be Ben Stein's daughter. Listen hun just because you have pictures instead of words means I forgive you for being about as exciting as drying paint.

3:34-and all is weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell...well, not so much, Lady Stein is still talking and this party ain't over yet.

3:45-Dear lord, could this bastard of a meeting be over?! Oh god I hope so...

4:12-It's finally over! ATTICA! ATTICA!