Mission Accomplished

That's right ladies and gentlemen, I bypassed the closer supermarkets yesterday to go find my second grail of ice cream of the Ben and Jerry and Stephen Colbert fame, Americone Dream. We might as well call this our new 37 part series, Better Know An Ice Cream. It wasn't all cotton candy and rainbows finding this ice cream either, it took effort, it took dedication, and a relentless will to find this brand of ice cream.

I walked into Safeway yesterday to get my breakfast and lunch items for work this week. I knew what to get, I had a game plan and a portion of that game plan was to find The Dream. I knew from Ben and Jerry's website that this Safeway sold The Dream, so it was only a matter of time until I came across it. I had my roommate SB with me and I had to help her with her shopping. You have to understand, SB is in her early 20s and moved down here from the rural Jersey/PA border. To put it into context she once watched a cow float by one day when there was a flood.

Her parents are old fashioned, to the point of they never want her to go anywhere alone because she could be raped and killed by some maniac. I wish I was making this up, but I'm not. She also doesn't know how to cook much of anything other then Mac and Cheese. So as we perused the aisles I pointed out things that shouldn't be that difficult for her to make for dinner and the like. This took up a good portion of our time until we finally emerged onto the ice cream aisle.

As I approached I had a sense of anticipation, much like a child on a crisp Christmas Morning awaiting to see what presents Santa Colbert had left for me. SB was excited as well as she wanted to try the Vermonty Python. As we walked up the aisle the BnJ section almost gave off a holy glow, much like ancient paintings of Jesus and the Virgin Mary. We approached slowly, making sure to look down for it is forbidden to look into the face of one's God. We finally reached the section and right there SB was quite excited for the was a plethora of Vermonty Python for her enjoyment.

I however looked and Americone Dream was not to be found. I searched every row, Cherry Garcia, Cookie Dough, Willie Nelson's, The Gobfather, a Phish one, everything but MY Grail. I continued to look, checking the labels of the empty spots and FINALLY came across one barcode. Above the barcode and numbers it clearly said, AMERICONE DREAM. It however...was empty. I almost felt crushed, like running up to the Stadium expecting to see KISS in concert but learning that it was sold out. I felt defeated briefly, the very will that propelled my hung over stature was slowly crumbling like ashes in a campfire.

I then looked up, with a renewed sense of religious fervor that only abortion clinic bombers can match. I could sense that it was in there, somewhere it was in there, The Dream was in this freezer, I just had to find it! I looked next to it, I don't even remember what it was it was insignificant. I decided to pull out the very last one in that row since all that was facing me was the nutritional information. As it turned to my face I felt like Joseph of Arimathea as there smiling back at me was none other then Stephen Colbert. I had in my hand, finally, my own portion of the Americone Dream. I immediately sent a text to Anita proclaiming my victory over Satan and his legions.

That night I sat down after dinner to the Law and Order channel, intent on discovering what the Americone Dream tasted like. Was it everything it promised to be and then some? Could it match the might which was the power of the Vermonty Python? I figured the only way to be sure was to do what I did with the Python, and eat the entire thing right there. Well, I ate it, I loved it, it was absolutely delicious. The question remains though, was this as good as Vermonty Python?

A day later and I still have not come to the conclusion, I am no closer to the answer. Much like the old blind taste test on the street corner, this will need a competition to see who is the superior ice cream once and for all. I will buy one portion of Vermonty Python and Americone Dream and we will have our first Planet Houston taste off for the best ice cream on the planet. I will likely have my roommates SB and MF accompany me in this endeavor. I will take their thoughts into consideration, but in the end it will be mine and mine alone to determine which ice cream truly is superior.