Took Tragedy To Bring Me Back

I know, I know, it's been over a month since I last posted and I was only supposed to be away for a week. I wish I could apologize folks, but between planning things for the wedding, kickball, and everything else that has gone on in my world, I took they time to recharge. Honestly I don't know if there was much I could post about without sounding repetitive. I mean you can only pound your fist and get red in the face about the situation with the government for so long till you need a break because you realize there is very little to do.

I've been meaning to write this post since Monday night, and it has taken me this long to attempt to find the right words. Information is still coming out at this hour about the tragedy that has happened in Georgia. Emotions and speculations are running high right now, many people and corporations are doing the best public relation job that they possibly can, and the fans are trying to make heads and tales of this.

Let me get this out in the open right away, Chris Benoit was without a doubt my favorite wrestler in the last ten years. My favorites of all time have been Cactus Jack, Arn Anderson and Chris Benoit. What he did inside the ring was a work of art, and the passion he had for this business led to many of us, fans and people in the business alike, to respect him almost above all others. When I first heard the news on Monday I was devastated. I was DJing per usual, and we just happened to flip it on Raw and saw what was going on.

Over the next few hours I received text messages, phone calls, you name it from people talking to me about this. That didn't happen when Eddie Guerrero died, NO ONE saw this coming. He was supposed to be one of the good guys, someone you could legitimately look up to, and then this happened. When I got home the first reports of this being a double homicide/suicide began to come out. They had the wrestler testimonials online when I got home, but by the time I had gotten off the phone with Anita, they had been taken down.

Over the next few hours the WWE took down almost every mention of Chris Benoit from its site, apparently they received an onslaught of criticism for giving a tribute to Benoit after he apparently did this. At the time though, no one had any idea what was going on. One of their most beloved workers had just died and the natural thing to do was to honor him. I understand why they have backpedaled on this, especially due to the media coverage it has received. I am sure many in the company right now feel much how I feel, confused, unsure how to feel about all of this.

On one hand, you have the worker, the professional, without a doubt one of the most sound wrestlers that has ever graced this business. He was definitely one of those people who you could easily give the old saying to of, "He could have a match with a mop and it would be good." The other is how to reconcile your feelings for someone you admired with the final actions he apparently took. Unlike most of the media, I don't want to write here and speculate about what happened. They haven't found a suicide note, and we may very well never know what happened. I have had numerous theories as to what took place, but one of the tragedies in this may be we may never know why he snapped. I think we may have a better idea of what happened once the tox-screens come back, but until then we have nothing.

I know there has been much talk about steroids in our sport, and there is a problem, at least in the upper echelon. Almost every worker I know personally doesn't take steroids. That may be why they are still in the independents, but I respect them for that because they aren't putting their lives on the line by taking steroids. I think it's gonna take a stronger hand by the big companies to ban steroids to get it out of our sport. Some say it will never be out, and I agree, but you can at least make a stronger effort. There are some who aren't on steroids who are some of the best in the world, CM Punk and Samoa Joe come to mind. I won't argue though that those on when it comes to "the big time" are much higher then those not on.

At the end of the day all I know is that I will miss with every breath of me the performer aspect of Chris Benoit. He was one of the few reasons I still watch the WWE, and not I think I may be able to count the wrestlers one hand. I have no words for what happened, it's a tragedy and my heart goes out to the families who have been hurt by this. Most of all my heart goes out to Dean Malenko, who in the last two years or so has had to watch his two best friends die long before their time. Other then parents, children and siblings, I don't know if there is anyone out there who is hurting more right now then Dean. I just hope he is not beating himself up too much about this, blaming himself for allowing this to happen.

Is there an upside to any of this, perhaps. Maybe a few more people will see the dangers of steroids (if they turn out to be a factor) and think twice or stop using them. Maybe this will make the WWE make their drug testing even tougher, keep a better check on its employees, make sure that everything is ok at home and with one's family. Debra McMichael, ex-wife of Steve Austin, says there is a bigger problem of domestic violence in pro-wrestling then people realize. Maybe this is true, maybe she was trying to get people to remember her. If it is true, I hope this will give people a light to see that they need to get some help.

Many people have brought it up over the last few days, but we have lost too many people in our business in recent years. It started with Brian Pillman if memory serves and has just gone downhill from there. This is a rough business, people call it fake but I'd say almost every wrestler is on some kind of pain medication from simple Tylenol to Oxy. People still party, maybe like in the 80s, but there is still partying going on. Maybe this happening to a worker that everyone respected will wake some folks up and get them to change their lives for the better. All I know is I lost one of my favorite performers of all time, families and friends lost loved ones, and I don't know if anyone who cared in the first place really knows how to feel and mourn at this point in time. I just hope whatever demons, issues and problems that plagued this family has left them wherever it is you go after this.