Friday, June 29, 2007

Top Ten Movie Badasses: Single Movie Edition

Much like yesterday's list, except this one the character has only been in one movie. Picking a number one on this list was more difficult then it was yesterday, no surprise there. You only get one shot at seeing the character and then nothing. There were great choices for this list, in the end only ten could make it. To clarify, Khan Noonan Singh did not make this list since he was on the TV show as well.

Honorable Mention
Gunny Highway (Clint Eastwood) Heartbreak Ridge
Seth Gecko (George Clooney) From Dusk Till Dawn
Vic Vega/Mr. Blonde (Michael Madsen) Reservoir Dogs
V (Hugo Weaving) V For Vendetta
Tony Montana (Al Pacino) Scarface
Judge Roy Bean (Paul Newman) The Life And Times of Judge Roy Bean
Marv (Mickey Rooney) Sin City

10. Creasy (Denzel Washington) Man on Fire-When it comes to Denzel I am a flip flopper. Some of his stuff I absolutely love (see Man On Fire) and other stuff I'm not as impressed as other people are (see Training Day). Honestly I thought he was much better in Man on fire then he was in Training Day. Hell, Wayne Brady was better at playing that character on The Chapelle Show. The man is the ultimate bad ass, get gunned down, the lil girl is kidnapped and he works his way back up the criminal chain and ends up rescuing the girl and giving his own life in the process, bad ass.

9. Mani (Mark Dacascos) Brotherhood of the Wolf-The movie opens up with Mani kicking some serious French ass. Hey, now I'm not trying to puff up my shirt, but you see how one Native American just kicked an entire French police undercover unit's ass? He then fights a lion wearing nothing but his tattoos and holding a tomahawk. The guy is only taken down by a back shooting coward, after he has whooped everyone's ass that there is to whoop. Just on top of it, his manliness is so much that the French whores don't know what to do when confronted with a REAL man, not a french man. He shows them his superior...skill...and, well we shall call it his magical ability. Tattoos rock, tomahawks rock, putting racist French aristocrats in their place rocks, kicking France's ass single handedly rocks. Sure, he lets his French brother get in on the action on occasion, but just to amuse himself to see how he attempts to copy his bad assery.

8. Maximus (Russell Crowe) Gladiator-Roman general who took on the barbarian, well German, hordes. May have been the last time Italy stood up to Germany, even if they made it sound like Maximus may have been Spanish, but historically he would have been given those lands so maybe just his wife is. Regardless of that, he escape execution, becomes a slave and begins kicking ass in front of people the likes that has not been seen since Bruiser Brody. Gets called up to the big time, to perform in front of rome, the senators, the emperor and the emperor's sister who we're pretty sure he banged before he got married. From there he takes down Andre The Giant and Tigers at the same time, gets a country to revolt against it's leader with a simple turn, and in the end overcomes tyranny while poisoned.

7. Kazuo Kiriyama (Masanobu Ando) Battle Royale-How bat shit crazy does one have to be to volunteer for a game of death? Well, in the books he didn't exactly volunteer, but he definitely was made for this...game? For those of you who don't know or haven't seen the movie, basically a high school class is put on an island and they have three days to kill each other until only one survives. I could have gone with Kawada since this was his second time playing the game, but he limps about at the end. Kiriyama continues to fight, even when he becomes blind. Hell, I could have put Noriko as she was without a doubt the most fucked up person in the entire flick.

6. William Wallace (Mel Gibson) Braveheart-Him, this can't be the first place person I am prettier then this man. Yes, William Wallace, the character that had us yelling freedom for a decade. Now if only I could get my hands on some REAL woad, things would get interesting. Course, having woad and a broadsword here in DC probably wouldn't be the smartest of ideas, as I would likely get myself and others killed in my drugged insanity. He had to see everyone he ever loved die, was betrayed by the man he believed should be king, exacted revenge with a dish best served cold, and wasn't even phased by torture. He would be our administration's worst nightmare at Gitmo that's without a doubt. I wish there were more people in our country that had the kind of passion and dedication to rebel while standing in front of such obvious tyranny and cruelty.

5. King Leonidas (Gerard Butler) 300-A man much in the same mold as William Wallace, and Maximus. Hell, I think I remember a friend of mine saying that Leonidas reminded him of the bastard child of Maximus and William Wallace. I don't think it was too far off, they were fighting against tyranny and for freedom (sort of but it's a movie folks not a history lesson). He and his 300 kicked some ultimate ass against a bunch of Persians and their conquered nations. A man fighting for his country will fight much harder and risk more then a man forced to fight for a cause he does not believe because if he doesn't he and his family will suffer their ruler's wrath. Even when getting pelted by thousands of arrows, he managed to keep his word and make Xerxes bleed. Even Ty Cobb couldn't hit a shot like that.

4. Jules Winfield (Samuel L. Jackson) Pulp Fiction- You know, I could end this all in one sentence and reference his wallet. I mean, I don't need to look any farther then his wallet to know that he is one Bad Ass Mother Fucker. He doesn't blink in the eye of a gun, hell he relishes seeing a gun in his face. Just makes the blood in his veins that much colder. He also isn't stupid and realizes when a miracle happens. He gets the job done, is able to compromise with a resisting force, something Congress can't do, and come on, that's the best fro since Kareem. Besides, he's the mother fucking king of foot rubs.

3. Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt) Fight Club-First you must know, not fear but know that some day you are going to die. Until then, you are useless to me. Hell, most of you who think that you're going to live forever are completely useless to me. Sorry folks, you can have those extra five years, I do not fear death for I will go stand before Crom and know the Riddle of Steel. Tyler Durden knew this, he created an entire underground fight network based on the riddle. From there he branched out into one of the greatest organizations known to man, Project Mayhem. In the end you all know that you wish Project Mayhem had really taken out all those credit card companies and their records and started us all over with a clean slate.

2. Lee (Bruce Lee) Enter The Dragon-Do I need to say anything to justify Bruce Lee's position here? Now, there might be an argument over if it should be this or Bruce Lee from Game of Death. I'll grant you that he did fight Kareem in Game of Death, but I think overall Dragon is the better movie and as such Lee is selected over Billy Lo. This character is great, just when you think he's kicked as much ass there possibly is, more people come out of the wood work and suddenly there is fresh ass for Lee's grinder. Sure, he took on John Saxon, but the guy tried standing up to Freddy Krueger once. After standing up to Bruce Lee, Freddy was a cake walk...even if Freddy killed him. Lee even made small work of the man who almost killed Jean Claude Van Dam, so what more is there to say? Bruce Lee, greatest martial arts movie star of all time.

1. Bill Munny (Clint Eastwood) Unforgiven-I'm sure this comes to a surprise to many of you. Hell, many were probably thinking I would have put Wallace or Leonidas here. Maybe even Daniel LaRusso, but sadly that's a multiple movie character. I put Bill Munny because next to The Man With No Name, this is the most bad ass character Eastwood has ever played. Hell, I even wrestled with putting The Stranger from High Plains Drifter and Gunny Highway from Heartbreak Ridge into this top ten. This very well may make Clint Eastwood my ultimate movie bad ass. Actually, yes, I'm declaring here and now that Clint Eastwood is Hollywood's Ultimate Movie Bad Ass. Between Harry Callahan, The Man With No Name, every western and military movie, it may not get more bad ass then Clint Eastwood.

34 comments:

AnObiter said...

You're now sending me over to my Netflix queue.

Anonymous said...

Are you kidding me? What about The Outlaw Josey Wales?...truly badass, way better than Heartbreak Ridge.

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