Spidey 4

My co-worker and I began brainstorming about Spiderman 4 today since a good amount of movie news is covering this subject. I can see why since Sam Raimi may leave to go film The Hobbitt, Toby might turn it down as he sees it as a trilogy, and Kirsten Dunst thinks she's more important then she really is to the story. Sorry hun, most die-hard Spidey fans don't care for you and we'd much rather see Gwen Stacey anyways (which we finally get this time in 3).

So we began theorizing about what we actually would do in Spidey 4, since the really important villains are covered after this coming movie. We basically had three ideas before us and I think they're all doable, but I will tell you where we finally landed after we mention the three ideas we discussed.

Kraven The Hunter and the story of Kraven's Last Hunt. Kraven was the world's best big game hunter and naturally wanted to go after the ultimate prey, which was Spidey. I think it could really pull at the heart strings of the fans who don't know the story to see him buried and then crawl out of his own grave. The only down side is that it isn't as flashy as the fans are used to by now of a Spidey film.

The Sinister Six. This one you can play with because there are so many side and minor villains that the fans love you can get the majority of them with this movie. It doesn't really need a deep meaningful theme, just a full blown action movie that appeals to all of our nature to see bigger and better. No deep introspective by Parker, which is rare, but you could use it to introduce The Black Cat which every fanboy around the world is still waiting for.

Maximum Carnage. If pro wrestling has taught me anything it's that some of the best matches of all time are a three way dance. With this in mind, Maximum Carnage would up every ante. It pleases the Venom fans by keeping him still there and shows how he becomes an Anti-Hero while creating a complete psychopath who is given these powers. You could put into the story of Spidey saving Venom's ex-wife's life and how he understands and becomes the Anti-hero.

The Decision
The Sinister Six
Why, cause ideally you could start a new trilogy at number four and as such you want to save the other two stories for later. This is also a way to appease the old school fans who want to see some of the original villains on screen. They have had Lizard in the movies since 2, but still no green scales. So my thinking is since you can't get Kingpin since he's in the DD movies, get Silvermane or Alistair Smythe to fund a group to take down Spidey for some reason. They hire Dr. Connors to work on something, but it brings about the chemical changes that turn him into Lizard eventually. In the meantime you would have Chameleon, Vulture, Rhino, Hobgoblin, Scorpion and Electro. It's a nice mixture of talents where none of the creatures really resemble each other. Then towards then end Lizard is transforms and they all must battle him to stop his rampage. We feel it would be a good start that would lead into Kraven's Last Hunt and ended with Maximum Carnage.

Haven't you ever heard of the healing power of laughter?

So here you go, the ten baddest muddas of all time baby...least to me these are the then villains I get the biggest kick out of.

10. The Hunter-Bambi

Yes, let the hate mail begin. Yes, the Hunter from Bambi is one of my favorite villains ever. Why, do you really need to ask yourself that? Sure he isn't an unstoppable killing machine like a Jason Voorhees or a Michael Meyers, but this bad man killed Bambi's mother! He must have ice water for blood.

9.Frank Booth-Blue Velvet

Dennis Hopper is an icon when it comes to creepy, bad assery, but it may have reached its zenith when he played Frank Booth. The man is truly demented in the ways some people could never imagine. In one part of the movie with abusing nitrates and abusing a singer he says "Don't you fucking look at me!" and "Mommy, mommy, baby wants to fuck!" Dude is the kind of sick along the lines of Alex from Clockwork Orange and easily earns a spot on my top ten list. It is also fitting that someone so bad is killed by someone who...well he isn't really completely good, but Dale Cooper makes his first capture before joining the FBI and after he had conquered the galaxy on Arakis...desert planet...Dune.

8.John Doe-Se7en.

Kevin Spacey has done so many beautiful roles over the years it was hard to pick just one. He brought Lex Luthor to level he always should have been, and was beautiful in The Usual Suspects. This role however is deeply disturbing on the level of psyche this person had to have. I mean this guy brought new meaning to the word sick; he used acid on his own fingers to eliminate finger prints! Course any man who beheads Gwyneth Paltrow is a hero here in the asylum.

7.The Shark-Jaws

I pick only the original, not the bastard children it begot in Jaws 2, or the cousins, aunts, nephews, former roommates for the other two sequels. It has kept people out of the water for so long it has to be placed for longevity. Hell, I still don't into the water that much...and that includes pools. I'm sorry, I saw this movie WAY too early in life and it definitely damaged me. Thankfully I can watch it now and enjoy the hell out of it...not like Poltergeist.

6.Freddy Krueger-A Nightmare On Elm St. Series

Freddy Krueger, the son of a hundred maniacs, killer of the children of Elm St., burned alive by vengeful parents and turned into the creature of our nightmares. A great and original premise that has kept going strong for over two decades now. Not only is he creative, but his villainy wit may be second only to the Joker. He killed Johnny Depp long before anyone had ever heard of Jump Street or the Black Pearl. Never at a loss for words, the man ever skewered Zsa Zsa Gabor.

5.Hans Gruber-Die Hard

Here there, Mister Cowboy. Hans Gruber, a man not afraid to kill a whole lot of people just to get his German hands on a few million dollars. Hey, I can't blame him, there were plenty of people in that movie that needed some killing and he was more then happy to oblige, even with a few quips while he was at it. How can you go against a man who says, "When Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept for there were no more worlds to conquer." The benefits of a classical education. and; I wanted this to be professional. Efficient, adroit, cooperative, not a lot to ask. Alas, your Mr. Takagi did not see it that way, so he won't be joining us for the rest of his life.

4.Emperor Palpatine/Darth Sidious-Star Wars

Yes, the Emperor deserves to be up here. Who else has destroyed an ENTIRE world? Well, Gran Moff Tarkin destroyed it, but it was his battle plans, his money, and they all worked for him so in a sense he destroyed it. Now it could be argued that he wasn't evil at all, that he merely was seeking peace throughout the galaxy...through dominating it. Then again River said it best, "People don't want to be meddled with." Never the less, he did introduce the world to Darth Maul, and you can't go wrong there. Hell, maybe I should just make this entry The Sith...

3.Hannibal Lector-Silence of the Lambs

What best villains list wouldn't be complete without our good Doctor Lector? The man was a sadist, cannibal, but he had an excellent singing voice and loved a great party...or was the Boss Grissom? At any rate, he almost made everyone's body run cold at even the sound of his voice. I think we do ok when killers are just machines, but when there is true genius behind it, then we are REALLY afraid.

2.General Zod-Superman I&II

General Zod, the only man on a highly evolved planet to really keep those dark urges and have the desire to rule the world with an iron fist, and he only needs two other people to do it. No grand army, no death star, just a mute and a muse. We all know Superman II had to be a lie, there is no way that that all powerful and mighty Zod could be that easily defeated by the son of Jor-El. Hell, maybe I shall name my son Zod so it can battle Nicolas Cage's son on the playground...if I ever have a son.

1.The Joker-Batman

How can you go against Jack Nicholson's personal favorite role of all time? True, I may not see it as the most accurate portrayal of The Joker, but it is much better then anything else that has been done. He really does bring the Joker to life, and as time goes on I am really looking forward to seeing what Heath Ledger is going to do. I keep reading his interviews and he's saying all the right things, so we shall see. Until then, Jack owns as the best live action Joker we've ever had (Mark Hamill is THE voice of the Joker, period). Now comes the part where I relieve you, the little people, of the burden of your failed and useless lives. But remember, as my plastic surgeon always said: if you gotta go, go with a smile.

Imma bad bad man

I came across this list of least intimidating movie villains earlier today and naturally I had an issue with it. OK, my issue is that dare put Zod on this list just because he isn't tall? Get real people. So naturally I decided to come up with my very own list, my very own top ten worst movie villains of all time, and unlike the other, this one will be numbered.

10.Mathias-The Omega Man.

He replaced Ben Cortman as the main villain opposite Neville, and was basically a TV personality who, when infected, turned it into a religious aspect and convinced others around him that they were "chosen". He speaks as if he was from 1302 instead of 1975 and is quite useless.

9. Mr. Freeze-Batman and Robin

Thank you Warner Brothers for almost ruining the Batman franchise. After the success of Tim Burton you were more concerned with what you could sell off the movie instead of the movie itself. You therefore made it campy and delivered to us a character with HORRIBLE lines, and turned a very interesting character into an abomination.

8. Mr. Glass-Unbreakable

I think I understand what M was trying to do with the opposite of Bruce Willis' character, but to just make the mine fragile is fuckin weak, especially when that man is mother fuckin Samuel L. I mean you can't take Shaft and make him into that kind of pussy, even if he is blowing up trains.

7. Greg Mamalard-Animal House

Yes, I chose this tool from Animal House. Is he a great foil, sure, but any man who can't get it up when around two beautiful women and is supposed to be one of the bad guys is just pathetic. It wasn't even that he was supposed to be gay; he just couldn't get it up. That and I just didn't understand how an asskiss like Greg can overcome Delta house.

6.The Nothing-The Neverending Story

Nothing, the big bad is...nothing. So basically there is going to be a big bad shadow crawling across the land and it's going to destroy everything...right. It's not even the Genesis Device? Hell, even the Fog had zombie pirates in the middle of this; this was just some punk kid not "believing" anymore.

5. Terl-Battlefield Earth

Now I don't want to be hunted down by you Scientology nuts out there, but this was ridiculous. John Travolta has looked goofy in almost every single movie he has ever been in (save where he is wearing your basic suit) and this is the frosting on the cake. An abortion of a movie and it pretty much single handedly sunk Barry Pepper's fast rising career.

4. Elektra King-The World Is Not Enough

Of course some sort of Bond villain had to make this list and I decided to give it to the former princess from France, Elektra King. So she's an ex-flame of Bond's who was kidnapped once, suffered the syndrome, and is banging the guy from the Full Monty who is trying to act tough as well. Excuse, I think I just found the cure to insomnia. I mean seriously, you go from Braveheart to this bastard of a film? Is anyone helping you decide what movies to make?

3. The Villains of Superman III

Now I tried finding an image of the lady who turns into some bad cyborg, but none could be found so here ya go. The big bad computer who knows its purpose in life. You would think that Superman would be smart enough to throw a boulder or something and just break the fucking thing, but then you would assume that this movie made any sense what so ever. The only good part was seeing Red Kryptonite; even Richard Pryor couldn't save this movie.

2. Laurel Hedare-Catwoman

Now I don't have an idea what this movie is really about because quite honestly I go out of my way to stay away from its physical presence. I mean I don't even like my things even touching its case. All I know is she's some model, beats up Halle Berry (who has managed to turn Catwoman into a stripper of some sort) and is worse in this then in Basic Instinct 2...allegedly. I mean really...someone needs to go on a killing spree over at the WB.

AND YOUR WINNER!!!
1. Nuclear Man-Superman IV

Technically this award is going to two individuals, Nuke Man 1 and Nuke Man 2. Though Nuke1 looked like some bastard version of Frankenstein, and one would hope a nod towards Bizarro, Nuke 2 with his feathery golden locks gets the picture...or circle gets a square. It should be of no surprise that one of the people who concocted this scheme was Duckie from Pretty in Pink. Truly the low point of Lex Luthor's glorious career. Now as I look at it, does anyone else think this guy reminds you of Lex Luger? Why couldn't we get the tag team of Zeus and Nuke together to face the Mega-Powers?

This inspired me so much I have a ten best villains prepared, but first, lunch.