Oscar Oscar, who will win?!

Yes, last night was an event that my mother and I used to bet on, watch and enjoy together for the majority of my life. It was the night of the Academy Awards, a night full of glamour, celebrities and heavy trophies given to folks who deserve them. Well, that's what they tell you during the commercials at least. If we really think about it it's a night of bad dresses (least last night was), sometimes an entertaining host (two years in a row of good hosts, who knew that was possible), and awards so heavy folks kept putting it on the floor.

There were some pleasant surprises (Alan Arkin winning won yay team), some expected wins (God Save The Queen And All That), and a few disappointments (Pan's Labyrinth not winning best Foreign Film let alone Best Picture is a crime). Judging by the results of this year and the past few years I think I can successfully predict what next year's winner will be in the main categories.

Best Supporting Actor will be an old actor who has had a decent career for over twenty years.

The Actress awards will be split between an old actress (likely British) and an upcoming actress who has only done a few GOOD movies but plenty of stinkers (bonus points if they stared in sequels to an 80s franchise).

Best Actor will be a political statement of some kind, be it the first person of that nationality to win the award or his movie was somehow politically themed (bonus points for playing someone of having some kind of physical defect).

Best Picture will be some kind of Ensemble piece that doesn't really have any right to win, but will take the award none the less. The Best Director will be whoever directs this movie.

If you don't believe me, look up the winners for the last five years, in almost every case (with a few exceptions) that has been the case. Expect this formula to come into play next year where I will go undefeated next year in the major categories. I would hope that Stephen Colbert would host the Oscars, but Hollywood has a hard time some time laughing at itself, as seen as the problem they had with the humor of Jon Stewart. I thought Ellen did a great job last night, said just the right things and brought her type of humor to the event. It was also nice to see Carrie Fisher once again writing for the Oscars.

A few other thoughts about last night's Oscars:

I wonder how many conservatives felt revolted when Melissa Ethridge kissed her wife and thanked her WIFE in her acceptance.

Jennifer Hudson blew Beyonce out of the water with her voice, sadly there was no Jay-Z to cry to about being upstaged once again.

Will Ferrell plus Jack Black plus John C Reilly equals comedy GOLD. Sadly only one half of the D was present.

Who the fuck had the smart idea of having the choir of people who wish they were as good as Larvell Jones. If you would have taken that out of the program the show would have been over by midnight.

On the other hand, those white screen dancing folks we're fucking money.

I would have saved time and money and forgot about both of those segments and just had a beat boxer there to do the themes from the films up for Best Picture.

Forest Whitaker should have won the award for being in Bloodsport alone.

Clint Eastwood will die the fuckin man, then he will become a zombie and still be the fuckin man.

It took me an hour to realize the crazy bald man they kept showing was Jack.

Al Gore should use all this momentum, he should use this since people have seen that he is more then just a politician to take his rightful place as President of these United States.

Finally folks, one none Oscar related deal. I spent the morning reading these and if you're a fan of comics and have wondered what the Civil War is all about give it a good read. My favorite parts are the lines for Wolverine and what they do to the Punisher.