Damned Shriveled Monkey Penis

This is the Nevada Union High School Miners, my father's first head coach position, the first team I ever loved. Sure I was around my mother's Alma mater at a very young age, but I don't remember too much of that. I remember vividly Miner Football and what would become "Miner Magic". NU has a rich football tradition that we were more then happy to be a part of. Hell, my father doesn't lie when he says we had a love affair with that place. For the longest time I wanted to get married in the most gorgeous stadium I've ever been in and I've been on the sidelines of the Rose Bowl. Of course that was before my sister informed me that it may not be the best idea after her and old flame did on the fifty yard line back in her single days.

The one regret I have in this life is I never got to adorn the uniform in high school or at the very least get to play in that stadium. I remember almost pleading with my father to get with D.H. for us to go up there and play, but it never would come about. D.H. for the most part has been coaching in the shadow of my father ever since we left, even after he won championships and at the time couldn't handle to pressure of losing to my father at home so no game for me in Hooper Stadium. I do hope that one day I will get a chance to coach in Hooper Stadium, but we shall see if that day ever comes to pass.

With all that in mind I received a...disturbing email from my mother today.

I don't know if you have talked with [sister] but we are really considering going to Placer High. Your Uncle [Aunt's ex-husband] has really laid on the pressure. It would be nice to go back up to the mountains.

I agree on one point, it would be nice to go back up to the mountains. My father always called it God's country and it really was. It probably has more to do with why I love the mountains over the beach more then anything. The problem I have is with the notion of going to Placer High School. You must understand something, Placer is where I learned HATE from. These balless bastards had the audacity to end one of the most storied rivalries in the state of California, mainly because we made them our personal bitch.

Placer versus Nevada Union was a rivalry that dated back to, well read the article you'll see how far it went back. My dad came to town and used his pimp hand on these Hillmen and they hid in their caves. They wanted out of the big league but promised to keep the feud, we would still be on our schedule. Well, they get out of the league and the next thing you know we're no longer on their schedule. Those gutless cocksuckers ran from us and to this day I don't believe they play us. So yes, I have a problem with my family going to save their football program. As far as I'm concerned they can sit at the bottom of the pile and get chlamydia, you hear that Hillmen, get the clap.

No, there is no lingering resentment what so ever from this, I'm perfectly stable...