Of course I'm confident, I'm a seven foot juggernaut!

I know I haven't updated much this week, a few bits and pieces here and there, but hey this is completely not my fault and for once I can't blame none other then Red Herring. Sadly work has gotten in the way this week, and tomorrow is going to suck more goat balls then Mister Rickus from Wanted.

You see, tomorrow I get to come into work two hours early. Not only do I get that pleasure but I also get to attend a meeting...training session...I don't know what it is but it is a complete waste of my bloody time. Let's see, I am an IT Monkey but I only have the ability to work magic in an office when I have rights to those machines. Tomorrow I get to go to this schindig in case something goes wrong with the laptop...which is not ours. So in that sense I am there to go fetch another IT person in case something isn't working correctly. Also, since I'm already going to be there I get the pleasure of turning on and off of the Dictator Device (a recorder peons) to record this lovely meeting.

Yes, I get to sit in a room for lord knows how long and basically just be there with a thumb up my ass. Of course the person who is running this function also has about as much sense as a dog who was hit by a truck and lived. The frosting is that someone from our office will be in there, taking notes, but I guess they deem pushing record on a machine too much for him to handle and thus I am given that duty. Needless to say I will have a book or twelve to help me cope with this cluster fuck.

Off-Site Awesomeness

Yes, beginning sometime today ALL of my office is going away for an off-site. Well, I should say everyone but myself and my co-worker who shall now be named as FenwayJ. The IT folks don't need to come and as such we will have two and a half days of peace and quiet away from the yapping and nauseating people we have to work for. I mean, if you want to see what our job is like you could just take a look at this. The saddest thing, I wish I was joking in some way or fashion, but I am not, our customers ARE this brain dead.

With all these folks going out of town I have been told I need to be move my daily schedule up two hours to facilitate their mission. Which is nice for Wednesday and Friday, not so nice for Thursday. Of course today I slept right through my alarm and woke up at the time I was supposed to be in this morning. Luckily I am also a ninja and no one but FenwayJ really noticed. There are a few stragglers in the office trying to make last minute completions to jobs, but I believe they'll all be gone by noon which is good because I need to take my car to get inspected before the day ends.

For all of you who do not live in the greater DC Metro area let me explain something for you, the folks in this area couldn't drive their way out of a wet paper bag. You have to understand they drive worse in when it sprinkles then when there is a thunderstorm. People LOVE to drive twenty five miles an hour on the highway when there is ANYTHING falling from the sky. This morning I got another lovely piece of the thing I call the sun glare pie. You see, folks in DC either don't own sunglasses or know how to use their vanity mirrors. Since they are feeble in this way the almighty sun-glare is the main cause for traffic in the morning and evenings, other then accidents.

You have to understand people, this is not a rare occurrence but something that transpires twice a day. Today I was greeted by sun-glare so bad that it cause folks to stop in the middle of the highway, a full and complete stop, just so they could change lanes. Work is a seven minute drive for me when I'm actually at my apartment, today it was almost a half an hour cause of these assclowns. It wasn't as bad as yesterday as apparently the all mighty sun-glare demon cause many accidents as I passed four ambulances on my way to work from Silver Spring.

It are tiny things like this that make me happy to be moving to Houston, this city is a transient city. Everyone comes from somewhere else and they're used to driving in that particular style. I come from California so I can drive any style as long as it's fast.

Head Meet Desk

Certain people shouldn't touch these new-fangled machines. I will post more about the weekend later, but a quick taste of what my morning has been like so far.

Cast
OBWSTM-Old Broad Who Shouldn't Touch Machines
Me-Your soon to be homicidal hero

OBWSTM-I had her scan something to my machine and...oh there it is...(minimizes it)...wait, where did it go?!

Me-(sigh) You minimized it...again...see the bottom right hand corner? Click on Paperport.

OBWSTM-There's no Paper...oh, that one, ok. Oh, THERE it is.

Mind you this is the lady who whenever she needs something from Outlook she opens it. So naturally when she complains about her computer running slow it's because she has ten copies of Outlook open, six Internet explorers, three copies of word, two copies of power point and a partridge in a pear tree.

And there shall be the peace...

...or that's what I thought when I wrote the Title of this blog. Then, as I begin to look for an appropriate image to go along with this post, the vapid old lady...wait, I shouldn't say that. You see, she's not the only old lady who works in my office and does not understand how to work these new fangled machines they call...COMPUTERS...say it with me now, kuhm-pyoo-ter. I swear I am constantly asked questions a five year old would know the answer to. I understand that you didn't have them growing up, but they've been in the government sector over ten years now and you've been here longer then that. So when do you think you'll finally get the hang of this wonderous and obviously evil black magic machine?

I mean, really, when I say open Adobe (a program you use on a regular basis) how can you hear that to mean open a word document. Wait...what? You stood there, watched what I did, and then still opened a word document. You know why, because you never listen to a fucking word we ever say and it's annoying the shit out of your IT slaves.

It's bad enough I actually have to do work this week, but this also brings me into close contact with three of our users who I wouldn't trust to stop drop and roll if they were on fire. You know why our Government is a mess at times? Because, unlike other countries, our best and brightest don't come work here they go work in corporations where they will actually be paid and as such we get the C and D students.

I swear, half the time I just want to give these people a piece of paper and a crayon and say here ya go, this is all we trust you with at this juncture. Perhaps I'm being a little hard on people who should have retired five years ago, but I'm sorry you're fucking with my chi.

I mean I was all ready to relax before Tweeder Dee came over to my desk to ask the same question she asks every week. That was the final straw for the day and I just want to sit down, relax, and forget about this fucking place for just a little bit.

Tomorrow will be much of the same, if not worse.

Thoughts on Hump Day

Yes, work continues to be busy this week so sadly not too many updates today. So I'm merely going to give you a few quick thoughts while I sit here during lunch.

24-We all knew Morris was going to be the Engineer, the only way it could have been better would have been...well, let us just say there would have been a reading rainbow.

24-Powers Booth as the Vice President, Roark is now the Vice President, just as Frank Miller predicted. I'm sad that Leland Palmer isn't in this season, so far, but he's been appearing everywhere lately so that keeps me happy. Hell, last night he was on SVU.

Heroes-We all knew Claire's father was going to be, which makes her crush on someone just a lil bit West Virginian. Though, since they already had Sulu I would have loved to seen her father been someone from TNG like Riker or Picard.

Lost-It comes back tonight, does anyone else remember anything else that happened the last time we saw it other then a surgery, sex, and a smoke house?

Paul Bremer-Even the crazy ass astronaut who wore a diaper 900 miles to go all Marv on another woman think's you're completely and utterly fucked. I don't need to mention why, if you're reading blogs I'm sure you've heard about Northstar and the TONS of cash elsewhere.

ECW-Monty Brown needs to be the leader of the "New Breed", not Elijah Burke. I like EB and all, but come on; Monty is a Main Eventer where EB is a high mid-carder at best. Plus, Snitsky needs his hair back. He looks like a MS version of Kane with everything shaved off.

Wonder Woman-Joss is off the project, good, he can go back to doing what he does best, and turning his TV shows into movies. Joss, we expect an Angel/Buffy movie now...so get off your ASS! Also, if you want to delay that by stopping by Smallville and taking over for that we'll approve of that as well.

Supernatural-So Sam is going to turn into a killer this week...almost reeks of revealing Laura Palmer's killer too early.

Work-This place is fucking clown shoes.