Top Ten Movie Badasses: Single Movie Edition

Much like yesterday's list, except this one the character has only been in one movie. Picking a number one on this list was more difficult then it was yesterday, no surprise there. You only get one shot at seeing the character and then nothing. There were great choices for this list, in the end only ten could make it. To clarify, Khan Noonan Singh did not make this list since he was on the TV show as well.

Honorable Mention
Gunny Highway (Clint Eastwood) Heartbreak Ridge
Seth Gecko (George Clooney) From Dusk Till Dawn
Vic Vega/Mr. Blonde (Michael Madsen) Reservoir Dogs
V (Hugo Weaving) V For Vendetta
Tony Montana (Al Pacino) Scarface
Judge Roy Bean (Paul Newman) The Life And Times of Judge Roy Bean
Marv (Mickey Rooney) Sin City

10. Creasy (Denzel Washington) Man on Fire-When it comes to Denzel I am a flip flopper. Some of his stuff I absolutely love (see Man On Fire) and other stuff I'm not as impressed as other people are (see Training Day). Honestly I thought he was much better in Man on fire then he was in Training Day. Hell, Wayne Brady was better at playing that character on The Chapelle Show. The man is the ultimate bad ass, get gunned down, the lil girl is kidnapped and he works his way back up the criminal chain and ends up rescuing the girl and giving his own life in the process, bad ass.

9. Mani (Mark Dacascos) Brotherhood of the Wolf-The movie opens up with Mani kicking some serious French ass. Hey, now I'm not trying to puff up my shirt, but you see how one Native American just kicked an entire French police undercover unit's ass? He then fights a lion wearing nothing but his tattoos and holding a tomahawk. The guy is only taken down by a back shooting coward, after he has whooped everyone's ass that there is to whoop. Just on top of it, his manliness is so much that the French whores don't know what to do when confronted with a REAL man, not a french man. He shows them his superior...skill...and, well we shall call it his magical ability. Tattoos rock, tomahawks rock, putting racist French aristocrats in their place rocks, kicking France's ass single handedly rocks. Sure, he lets his French brother get in on the action on occasion, but just to amuse himself to see how he attempts to copy his bad assery.

8. Maximus (Russell Crowe) Gladiator-Roman general who took on the barbarian, well German, hordes. May have been the last time Italy stood up to Germany, even if they made it sound like Maximus may have been Spanish, but historically he would have been given those lands so maybe just his wife is. Regardless of that, he escape execution, becomes a slave and begins kicking ass in front of people the likes that has not been seen since Bruiser Brody. Gets called up to the big time, to perform in front of rome, the senators, the emperor and the emperor's sister who we're pretty sure he banged before he got married. From there he takes down Andre The Giant and Tigers at the same time, gets a country to revolt against it's leader with a simple turn, and in the end overcomes tyranny while poisoned.

7. Kazuo Kiriyama (Masanobu Ando) Battle Royale-How bat shit crazy does one have to be to volunteer for a game of death? Well, in the books he didn't exactly volunteer, but he definitely was made for this...game? For those of you who don't know or haven't seen the movie, basically a high school class is put on an island and they have three days to kill each other until only one survives. I could have gone with Kawada since this was his second time playing the game, but he limps about at the end. Kiriyama continues to fight, even when he becomes blind. Hell, I could have put Noriko as she was without a doubt the most fucked up person in the entire flick.

6. William Wallace (Mel Gibson) Braveheart-Him, this can't be the first place person I am prettier then this man. Yes, William Wallace, the character that had us yelling freedom for a decade. Now if only I could get my hands on some REAL woad, things would get interesting. Course, having woad and a broadsword here in DC probably wouldn't be the smartest of ideas, as I would likely get myself and others killed in my drugged insanity. He had to see everyone he ever loved die, was betrayed by the man he believed should be king, exacted revenge with a dish best served cold, and wasn't even phased by torture. He would be our administration's worst nightmare at Gitmo that's without a doubt. I wish there were more people in our country that had the kind of passion and dedication to rebel while standing in front of such obvious tyranny and cruelty.

5. King Leonidas (Gerard Butler) 300-A man much in the same mold as William Wallace, and Maximus. Hell, I think I remember a friend of mine saying that Leonidas reminded him of the bastard child of Maximus and William Wallace. I don't think it was too far off, they were fighting against tyranny and for freedom (sort of but it's a movie folks not a history lesson). He and his 300 kicked some ultimate ass against a bunch of Persians and their conquered nations. A man fighting for his country will fight much harder and risk more then a man forced to fight for a cause he does not believe because if he doesn't he and his family will suffer their ruler's wrath. Even when getting pelted by thousands of arrows, he managed to keep his word and make Xerxes bleed. Even Ty Cobb couldn't hit a shot like that.

4. Jules Winfield (Samuel L. Jackson) Pulp Fiction- You know, I could end this all in one sentence and reference his wallet. I mean, I don't need to look any farther then his wallet to know that he is one Bad Ass Mother Fucker. He doesn't blink in the eye of a gun, hell he relishes seeing a gun in his face. Just makes the blood in his veins that much colder. He also isn't stupid and realizes when a miracle happens. He gets the job done, is able to compromise with a resisting force, something Congress can't do, and come on, that's the best fro since Kareem. Besides, he's the mother fucking king of foot rubs.

3. Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt) Fight Club-First you must know, not fear but know that some day you are going to die. Until then, you are useless to me. Hell, most of you who think that you're going to live forever are completely useless to me. Sorry folks, you can have those extra five years, I do not fear death for I will go stand before Crom and know the Riddle of Steel. Tyler Durden knew this, he created an entire underground fight network based on the riddle. From there he branched out into one of the greatest organizations known to man, Project Mayhem. In the end you all know that you wish Project Mayhem had really taken out all those credit card companies and their records and started us all over with a clean slate.

2. Lee (Bruce Lee) Enter The Dragon-Do I need to say anything to justify Bruce Lee's position here? Now, there might be an argument over if it should be this or Bruce Lee from Game of Death. I'll grant you that he did fight Kareem in Game of Death, but I think overall Dragon is the better movie and as such Lee is selected over Billy Lo. This character is great, just when you think he's kicked as much ass there possibly is, more people come out of the wood work and suddenly there is fresh ass for Lee's grinder. Sure, he took on John Saxon, but the guy tried standing up to Freddy Krueger once. After standing up to Bruce Lee, Freddy was a cake walk...even if Freddy killed him. Lee even made small work of the man who almost killed Jean Claude Van Dam, so what more is there to say? Bruce Lee, greatest martial arts movie star of all time.

1. Bill Munny (Clint Eastwood) Unforgiven-I'm sure this comes to a surprise to many of you. Hell, many were probably thinking I would have put Wallace or Leonidas here. Maybe even Daniel LaRusso, but sadly that's a multiple movie character. I put Bill Munny because next to The Man With No Name, this is the most bad ass character Eastwood has ever played. Hell, I even wrestled with putting The Stranger from High Plains Drifter and Gunny Highway from Heartbreak Ridge into this top ten. This very well may make Clint Eastwood my ultimate movie bad ass. Actually, yes, I'm declaring here and now that Clint Eastwood is Hollywood's Ultimate Movie Bad Ass. Between Harry Callahan, The Man With No Name, every western and military movie, it may not get more bad ass then Clint Eastwood.

My apologies

I realize I forgot some fairly important people when I made the list yesterday. I mean come on, where is Dirty Harry? Hell, I even forgot Rooster Cogburn on that list. So, in the end, my apologies, I'm trying to do better today with the single movie list.

Top Ten Movie Badasses: Plural Movie Edition

You may be asking yourself, plural movie edition? Yes, to qualify for this list the character has had to have appeared in more then one movie. For example, William Wallace is not eligible, he's been in one flick. El Mariachi however has been in three, he is completely eligible, and in this list as well. Yes, watching Live Free or Die Hard inspired this last night and now I bring it to you.

Honorable Mention
Snake Plisken (Kurt Russell) Escape Series
Richard B. Riddick (Vin Diesel) Pitch Black Series
Gabriel (Christopher Walken) The Prophecy Series
Aragorn (Viggo Mortenson) Lord of the Rings Trilogy
Ash (Bruce Campbell) Evil Dead Trilogy
Mad Max (Mel Gibson) Mad Max Series


10. The Bride (Uma Thurman) Kill Bill 1&2-Didn't expect to see a woman on this list did you? The woman took down every single obstacle that came in front of her, was reunited with her child that she didn't even know existed and word has it that this is not the last of The Bride, we very well may see much more of her and her daughter in the near future if the studios get their way.

9. Conan the Cimmerian (Arnold Schwarzenegger) Conan Series -I had to put the King of Kings on this list, how could I not? I may not have the courage to mock Crom, but this was Arnold at his best. Be it Barbarian or Destroyer, Conan is definitely the cock of the walk. I mean, he beheaded James Earl Jones in front of all his followers. How can you not get behind a warrior who answers what is best in life with, "To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women." Now THAT is truly bad ass.

8. Sergeant Martin Riggs (Mel Gibson) Lethal Weapon Series-You all know you have a secret love for the Lethal Weapon series. It was a great blend of action and comedy and reinvented the buddy comedy/action movie. Riggs was insane, loved getting out of a straight jacket, eating dog food, harassing the psychiatrist, and driving his partner up the wall. He over came ever romantic obstacle he came across (see women keep dying on him) to finally knock up Rene Russo. He took on every comer, got his ass kicked by Jet Li, and still somehow managed to walk away.

7. Ellen Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) Alien Series-TWO women on this list, see you REALLY didn't see that coming. I'm sorry boys, but men don't have the corner on the market when it comes to bad assery. Ellen Ripley has blown up a spaceship, nuked a planet, turned convicts around, all the while doing a better the job then the Marine Corps, HOO-RAH! Sure, she started slow, but who can deny that it is hard to find someone who kicked more ass the last twenty minutes of movie like she did in Aliens. I'm not going to hold Alien Resurrection against her, technically that wasn't her, that was a clone.

6. Han Solo (Harrison Ford) Star Wars Trilogy-Of course Han Solo has to make it onto this list. Come on, didn't we all want to be Han Solo growing up? No one cared about being Luke Skywalker, we all wanted to be Han Solo because he was cool and in the end got the girl. The man survived becoming a rock slab for crying out loud! He beat Colt 45 at a game a cards and got the best starship in the universe this side of 1990. His best friend is a wookie, and apparently only he can understand him, how much more bad ass can you get? Oh, if it wasn't for him the Death Star never would have been blown up, both times.


5. El Mariachi (Antonio Banderas/Carlos Gallardo) El Mariachi Trilogy-The only character on this list that was played by two separate actors, one must truly be bad ass to accomplish that. Of course you saw the original actor in Desperado as one of his friends, but Antonio is still what most people think about when it comes to El Mariachi. He exudes that coolness that this character wouldn't be half as fun without. I mean the man romanced Salmea Hayek for crying out loud, all the while having to fight Danny Trejo who was making him into a pin cushion with throwing knives. He had to take down his own brother and William Dafoe, do you need more evidence? Ok, fine, how many of you STILL to this day want a guitar case full of guns?


4. The Man With No Name (Clint Eastwood) Man With No Name Trilogy-He was called by something different in each film, but it has always been refereed to as the man with no name. It has been said that The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly is one of the most influential movies of all time. Without a doubt it is probably the most influential western of all time, at least with the current directors in Hollywood. It currently ranks as the top rated action film on IMDB. The man was as cold as ice, smooth and calculating, and always managed to pull something out of his ass. From the modified bullet proof vest to the rock with nothing written on it, the man always has a plan.

3. John McClane (Bruce Willis) Die Hard Series-The man was what we made the mold of Jack Bauer after, a one man army against terrorist, terrorism, and anything that threatens life, liberty, and the right to kick ass! He has blown up an office building, demolished a major airport, walked around Harlem with his life on the line, and saved the US from going into the darkages. All the while he has had to deal with a wife who doesn't appreciate his heroics and estranged children, no matter how many times he saves their collective asses. The guy was snark before the term was even coined, brought the trash talking during the fight to a whole new level that only Deadpool can reach.

2. Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford) Indiana Jones Series-Yes, the good doctor of archeology comes in number two. I wonder who it could be who has beaten a man who brought whips into style so much a song was written about it. The man smart enough to bring a gun to a sword fight, was able to prevent his heart being taken out of his chest, and has fucked every single hot female in the 40s. His is also a one man army against the Third Reich, had the balls to get Hitler's autograph, and still ruin all his plans. You know how much money that baby is worth now on eBay, those Nazi product folks would love that shit, sadly you can't have it, it leads to the Holy Grail. He didn't need an army of knights to find it like Arthur, this bookworm found it with the help of a book. Also, let us not forget an important part, Jesus found him worthy and he chose wisely.

1. Bond, James Bond (Sean Connery/Roger Moore/Timothy Dalton/Pierce Brosnan/Daniel Craig/George Lazenby) Bond Films-Of course the ultimate bad ass of all time is James Bond, how can it not be? We don't need to talk about the shear numbers of Bond films there are, let us now discuss what we can consider. For me, other then Sean Connery and Daniel Craig, the others can all blow. Roger Moore never looked the part to me, he always seemed too soft. Dalton definitely wasn't pretty enough, I mean who could buy him getting any kind of woman? Brosnan was too pretty, I could buy the woman part, just not the action hero aspect of it all. Lazenby, eh who cares, has anyone actually ever watched that movie anyways? Now Daniel Craig, he looks like he could fuck any woman and rip your throat out at the same time. Then of course, there is the man who is and always will be Bond to us, Sean Connery. Does anything else really need to be said?

John F'N McClane

I will start off by saying John McClane is one of my favorite characters of all time when it comes to cinema. Don't know why, maybe it was my impressionable youth when I saw my Die Hard for the first time, all I know is when I cried during Armageddon it wasn't because that character died, it was because I was thinking about John McClane.

Going into the fourth installment I have been very skeptical. I was NOT a fan of the third one, bigger doesn't always mean better. I was a fan of the centralized locations of the first two movies, it just works better. I don't even care if you add Samuel L. mother fuckin Jackson to the movie, it just didn't work for me. It also apparently didn't work too well for the audience either as it definitely didn't do as well as the previous two movies. With all that said, I was definitely skeptical of Live Free or Die Hard.

I can gladly say all my hesitation about the fourth movie was unwarranted, it was a kick ass flick.

Yeah, it's a bigger scale and it has a few ridiculous stunts, but so does every Die Hard movie. I thought Justin Long added a great deal to this flick and I don't know if it would have been enjoyable without that character. Kevin Smith was great as the "jedi", not saying too much don't want to ruin anything or give away too much spoiler wise, but everyone on this film just seemed to click. It wasn't a case like some movies where you question why that person was cast for a certain role, no, I think each and every part was chosen right, and they all worked like a well oiled machine.

I was worried that a much older Bruce Willis would bring down the role, it did not. That in turn gives me hope when it comes to the new Indy flick. If Bruce Willis can make a believer out of you at his age, Harrison can do the same with Dr. Jones. There was also definite hotness going on in this flick as well. I've had a thing for Mary Elizabeth Winstead since I saw Sky High and she played the part of Lucy McClane perfectly. She gave that attitude that papa has very well, and I bought it, which is always important for me to get a movie to work.

Timothy Olyphant, I was worried about his casting because he just gave off the prick vibe in almost every role I've ever seen him in. You probably know him best as the porn producer in The Girl Next Door. That being said, he also makes it work. That vibe works very well with that character, sure he's no Hanz Gruber, but no one really is are they?

In the end, this was a fun entertaining ride. If you just need some action to pump into your bloodstream, with decent enough acting that doesn't make you as nauseous as most actions movies, this is the movie to go see. You have your choice of this and Sicko this weekend, which I'm still gonna see. Thankfully Live Free or Die Hard came out yesterday and so there is no conflict, just a biding of time till Transformers.

I don't know if I could vote for the man...

...but I sure as hell could vote for his wife.

As some of you may or may not know, Ann "More Man Beast Then Rhino" Coulter was on Hardball with Chris Matthews the other day. Why, we still all wonder, but according to Mr. Matthews it is because, "She sells books" (read I need ratings badly). She was doing her best to spew out toxicity and hate, you know her bag baby, when there was an unexpected call. Elizabeth Edwards, wife of John Edwards cancer survivor and currently has incurable cancer, called into the show to have a few choice words with Ms., or is it Mr perhaps eh I don't know I'll call it IT Coulter.

Matthews: Do you want to say something directly to the person who’s with me?

Edwards: I’m calling — you know, in the south, when someone does something that displeases us, we want to ask them politely to stop doing it. I would like to ask Ann Coulter to — if she wants to debate on issues, on positions — we certainly disagree with nearly everything she said on your show today — but it is quite another matter for these personal attacks. The things that she has said over the years, not just about John but about other candidates, lowers our political dialogue precisely at the time that we need to raise it. So I want to use the opportunity, which I don’t get much because Ann and I don’t hang out with the same people…

Coulter: I don’t have enough money.

Edwards: …to ask her politely stop the personal attacks.

......

Coulter: Yeah, why isn’t John Edwards making this call?

Matthews: Well, do you want to respond? We’ll end the conversation.

Edwards: I haven’t talked to John about this call. I’m making the call as a mother. I’m the mother of that boy who died. My children participate — these young people behind you are the age of my children. You’re asking them to participate in a dialogue that is based on hatefulness and ugliness instead of on the issues, and I don’t think that’s serving them or this country very well.

[Applause]

See what I mean? This lady has experienced all kinds of pain, all kinds of obstacles and she is STILL a lady till the end. She confronted IT Coulter, asked her kindly to stay on issue and not resort to hate and personal attacks, she did something honorable, and even then Coulter wouldn't stop for an instant. On the contrary, she tried saying she never did those things. I don't know if Faux Opinion folks realize it or not, but we do tend to record anything you have ever said. You realize you're being shown up by a person with dignity and can't even admit to things you have done, you stumble over yourself and lie out that large gawping hole in your face.

Elizabeth Edwards, you have all the respect in the world from me and I would be proud to have you as First Lady or any other position someone seems fit to grant you.

Took Tragedy To Bring Me Back

I know, I know, it's been over a month since I last posted and I was only supposed to be away for a week. I wish I could apologize folks, but between planning things for the wedding, kickball, and everything else that has gone on in my world, I took they time to recharge. Honestly I don't know if there was much I could post about without sounding repetitive. I mean you can only pound your fist and get red in the face about the situation with the government for so long till you need a break because you realize there is very little to do.

I've been meaning to write this post since Monday night, and it has taken me this long to attempt to find the right words. Information is still coming out at this hour about the tragedy that has happened in Georgia. Emotions and speculations are running high right now, many people and corporations are doing the best public relation job that they possibly can, and the fans are trying to make heads and tales of this.

Let me get this out in the open right away, Chris Benoit was without a doubt my favorite wrestler in the last ten years. My favorites of all time have been Cactus Jack, Arn Anderson and Chris Benoit. What he did inside the ring was a work of art, and the passion he had for this business led to many of us, fans and people in the business alike, to respect him almost above all others. When I first heard the news on Monday I was devastated. I was DJing per usual, and we just happened to flip it on Raw and saw what was going on.

Over the next few hours I received text messages, phone calls, you name it from people talking to me about this. That didn't happen when Eddie Guerrero died, NO ONE saw this coming. He was supposed to be one of the good guys, someone you could legitimately look up to, and then this happened. When I got home the first reports of this being a double homicide/suicide began to come out. They had the wrestler testimonials online when I got home, but by the time I had gotten off the phone with Anita, they had been taken down.

Over the next few hours the WWE took down almost every mention of Chris Benoit from its site, apparently they received an onslaught of criticism for giving a tribute to Benoit after he apparently did this. At the time though, no one had any idea what was going on. One of their most beloved workers had just died and the natural thing to do was to honor him. I understand why they have backpedaled on this, especially due to the media coverage it has received. I am sure many in the company right now feel much how I feel, confused, unsure how to feel about all of this.

On one hand, you have the worker, the professional, without a doubt one of the most sound wrestlers that has ever graced this business. He was definitely one of those people who you could easily give the old saying to of, "He could have a match with a mop and it would be good." The other is how to reconcile your feelings for someone you admired with the final actions he apparently took. Unlike most of the media, I don't want to write here and speculate about what happened. They haven't found a suicide note, and we may very well never know what happened. I have had numerous theories as to what took place, but one of the tragedies in this may be we may never know why he snapped. I think we may have a better idea of what happened once the tox-screens come back, but until then we have nothing.

I know there has been much talk about steroids in our sport, and there is a problem, at least in the upper echelon. Almost every worker I know personally doesn't take steroids. That may be why they are still in the independents, but I respect them for that because they aren't putting their lives on the line by taking steroids. I think it's gonna take a stronger hand by the big companies to ban steroids to get it out of our sport. Some say it will never be out, and I agree, but you can at least make a stronger effort. There are some who aren't on steroids who are some of the best in the world, CM Punk and Samoa Joe come to mind. I won't argue though that those on when it comes to "the big time" are much higher then those not on.

At the end of the day all I know is that I will miss with every breath of me the performer aspect of Chris Benoit. He was one of the few reasons I still watch the WWE, and not I think I may be able to count the wrestlers one hand. I have no words for what happened, it's a tragedy and my heart goes out to the families who have been hurt by this. Most of all my heart goes out to Dean Malenko, who in the last two years or so has had to watch his two best friends die long before their time. Other then parents, children and siblings, I don't know if there is anyone out there who is hurting more right now then Dean. I just hope he is not beating himself up too much about this, blaming himself for allowing this to happen.

Is there an upside to any of this, perhaps. Maybe a few more people will see the dangers of steroids (if they turn out to be a factor) and think twice or stop using them. Maybe this will make the WWE make their drug testing even tougher, keep a better check on its employees, make sure that everything is ok at home and with one's family. Debra McMichael, ex-wife of Steve Austin, says there is a bigger problem of domestic violence in pro-wrestling then people realize. Maybe this is true, maybe she was trying to get people to remember her. If it is true, I hope this will give people a light to see that they need to get some help.

Many people have brought it up over the last few days, but we have lost too many people in our business in recent years. It started with Brian Pillman if memory serves and has just gone downhill from there. This is a rough business, people call it fake but I'd say almost every wrestler is on some kind of pain medication from simple Tylenol to Oxy. People still party, maybe like in the 80s, but there is still partying going on. Maybe this happening to a worker that everyone respected will wake some folks up and get them to change their lives for the better. All I know is I lost one of my favorite performers of all time, families and friends lost loved ones, and I don't know if anyone who cared in the first place really knows how to feel and mourn at this point in time. I just hope whatever demons, issues and problems that plagued this family has left them wherever it is you go after this.